When We Think of 4th of July

When we think of 4th of July, we think of celebrations and get togethers.

Get togethers with family.
Get togethers with friends.
Get togethers with co-workers.
Get togethers with strangers.

It is a time of celebrations and fun.
A time to enjoy each others company.
A time to reminisce with those you have not seen in a while.
A time to enjoy the fireworks and festivities.
A time to enjoy parades.
A time to enjoy the children’s faces light up over seeing the fireworks show or writing their name out with their sparkler.
To put it simply, it is a time where everyone comes together to celebrate and have a good time.

When I think of the 4th of July it is now forever tainted with the memory of sitting in Mari’s hospital room last year at this same time and watching the beautiful fireworks displays from her hospital room window. Not realizing at the time that the very next day we would start to lose Mari forever. That the very next day her kidney’s would go into complete failure and the day after that she would have a stroke. 4th of July will forever be remembered by me as the last day with my beautiful baby girl & thinking my life was still ok.

I used to love the 4th of July with all of its glitter and shine and now all it brings me is sad memories and regret.

I know in time the pain will slowly ease but as of today it is just sadness.