What do you say to someone who has lost a child?

It seems no one really know what to say to someone when that person has lost a child. You can tell that everyone around you is uncomfortable to talk about the child you have lost.It seems that they are always afraid of saying the wrong thing.

I was listening to the radio this morning and there happened to be a small segment on how to cope with the loss of a child. For the most part, it did not apply to me because it was dealing with the loss of a child when you know that your child is supposed to die because it has a terminal illness. Mari was not like this. She was not supposed to die. Her illness came suddenly and took her just as suddenly as it came. So I could not relate to the expected loss of a child because mine was TOTALLY unexpected.

The fact remains that when Mari passed away, we had almost everyone we knew and loved there beside us at both her funeral and her wake. It seems like everyone had come out of the woodwork to give us their love and support on the terrible loss we had suffered. Mari was gone and it made sense to no one. We had so much love and support that it was just so comforting to know they were there for us. To know we could count on those around us.

6 months have passed by (as of tomorrow, January 16) since Mari passed away. It still makes no sense. We still wonder why she was taken from us and I am sure that we will never know while we are here on this earth. As a matter of fact, I have not met one person yet that it actually makes sense to. Life has continued on for everyone. Sometimes I wonder if people have forgotten about us or they are just too afraid to talk to us because they MIGHT say the wrong thing. In reality, they just don’t know what to say. I don’t know why people just don’t talk to us. I never get any calls, even just for 5 minutes, or even just 2 minutes, just to see how we are doing. To make sure we are ok. No one stops by our house. I don’t even receive any emails. As far as the telephone, I will be honest, I really don’t like to talk on the phone anymore, and for the most part, I actually get incredibly impatient when people do talk on the phone for a long time. But just to have a call once in a while to find out how we are doing would be wonderful. My hope is that people will not be so afraid of saying the wrong thing but instead just are there for us. Whether it is a phone call to say hi, they stop by for a short visit, or just a simply email to say, “Hey, I was thinking about you,” would be wonderful. Please do not be so afraid to say the wrong thing that you end up saying nothing at all. We need to hear from those we love and care about. We just need to know that you care.